#1 - Name: BarlowBrad (Part 2 of 2)

So, I graduated high school and got to college, the realm of where "dating leads to marriage" is actually possible. I had this idealistic idea that I would meet the girl I wanted to marry sometime during my freshman/sophomore years, date during junior year, be engaged senior year, graduate, get married and gallop off together on my noble steed into the gorgeous sunset of ministry together.

I'll kill the suspense right now... That didn't happen. It was strange, but I felt this sense from God that he didn't want me to date anyone until I was a senior. Well, okay, so I did that, or rather didn't. I had no dates in college. Senior year rolls around and for one reason or another nothing works out. Hey God... what happened to my perfect plans for dating? Right.

So here I am... growing older, smack dab in the middle of my "quarter-life crisis" years (thank you John Mayer) and trying to rethink this whole "dating" thing.

I've always been of the opinion that I can become good enough friends with a girl initially to know if I could see myself marrying her. And really, that was easy to do with ready-made social interactions at school, extra-curricular activities, sports, etc. But now that I've graduated and have a very much full-time job... what would that look like?

I still want to date only the one I will marry, but it seems like the odds of that happening are approaching one in a million (or worse). How do can I get to know "potentials" while still staying within the bounds of my determination of "saving myself" for my future wife? Have I reached a point where my idealism and optimism need to meet with reality so that I actually "have" a future wife?

On a separate front, since it's been so long (it feels) and I haven't yet met someone who "fits me"... are my standards too high? I know everyone says (and I say myself), "Don't settle. Don't lower your standards." But there is a point where standards could simply just be too high, right?

So here I am... a quarter to a third of my life has passed and I have yet to date. Obviously there's more to life than dating, finding your "the one" and spending the rest of your life with someone, but it's reaching that point where I'm feeling like, "Come on already... bring on the next stage of life."

I know some at this point might want to trot out that loved/loathed biblical idea... "Maybe you have the gift of celibacy." No. I don't. Some also say you can't know if you'll get married or not... but I know. God didn't make me not to get married. Trust me. If anything, I feel like I would have the spiritual gift of fatherhood. (I know, I'm not a father, so I can't speak from experience, but it's the way I feel.) The way I interact with children, how they interact with me. The desire I have to be a godly example as a husband and father. It's just too strong for it not to be something that God has put in me.

#1 - Name: BarlowBrad (Part 1 of 2)

Hopefully this is the start of some consistent blogging. I'm going to go through my initial "Table of Contents" and attempt to regularly post on them.

I picked up the name BarlowBrad (or BarlowGuy) sometime around the end of high school. Brad is my first name, so that much is obvious, but Barlow is not my last name. Barlow is a reference to the Superchick song "Barlow Girls". I picked up the name because it fit me. These lines in particular:

They don't date, they won't date
They wanna see how they're gonna grow up
Who they're gonna be
...
And yes there are guys who are willing to wait
Ask a Barlow girl on her wedding day

Now let's get this part out of the way right away... I wasn't the most popular kid growing up. In fact, I was the one that the unpopular kids made fun of. So not dating through my freshman year of high school wasn't something that was done much by choice. But I don't know how or why, but girls starting becoming interested in me after that and I had a choice to make. But then, as I looked at my friends who dated, I noticed they all broke up and most of them ended up hating each other. I decided that I didn't want to lose a friend like that.

I also realized that dating relationships tend to go one of two ways, either toward greater intimacy (e.g., marriage and all that goes with it) or away from intimacy. So I wanted to either date the I wanted to marry, or not date at all. Somehow I had the wisdom and foresight to realize that I probably wasn't going to find the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with in high school, so I decided dating in high school wasn't for me.

Eventually, I heard the song and thought, "Hey, they're like me! I suppose I could call myself that too." So I did.